Choosing People Over Perfect Tables
I remember the first time I hosted a holiday dinner in my own home. I was nearing the end of my first trimester, still keeping the pregnancy a secret, and riding a wild wave of exhaustion and nausea. All the delicious food I had meticulously planned and cooked made my stomach churn. The very thought of deep cleaning the house and setting a perfect table felt like climbing a mountain.
Still, I pushed through. I had a vision, you see. A vision of Pinterest boards and charcuterie boards (that I couldn't even eat), sparkling clean floors and effortless grace. But on the day, all I felt was tired. I worried the decor was too small, the house wasn't clean enough, and that I was already failing at being the perfect host.
Then, the doorbell rang. As the doors opened and my family started to file in, I felt my shoulders drop. Their bright smiles, their warm, tight hugs, and their excitement completely melted away my anxiety. At that moment, it was crystal clear. They were what I wanted to celebrate. It didn't matter if we were eating fancy food or takeout, using shiny gold chargers with dinner or cute paper plates from Hobby Lobby. The heart of the gathering wasn't the table; it was the people around it.
The Myth of the Perfect Party
It's so easy to get caught up in the performance of hospitality. We scroll through perfectly curated social media posts, believing that's the standard we have to meet. We convince ourselves that our messes—both the physical and the emotional ones—need to be handled or hidden before we can invite others into our space.
But author Justin Whitmel Earley addresses that common fear in Habits of the Household by writing, "Interviews and interrogations happen over empty tables. Conversations happen over messy ones.”1 Hospitality isn't about the look of things. It's the art of making people feel seen, valued, and loved. It's about creating a space for real connection to happen, even when life is messy. Our messes don't disqualify us from living in community. They often deepen our community.
Trading Perfection for Presence
Who are you welcoming?
If the goal is connection, not perfection, how do we change our approach to hosting? It starts with letting go of the pressure and embracing simple, meaningful ways to gather. You don't need a flawless house or a gourmet meal. You just need a willing heart and an open door.
The focus shifts from what you're presenting to who you're welcoming. It's a reminder that the heart of hospitality isn't in being impressive, but creating a space where people feel encouraged and known.
Ideas for Intentional Gathering
Ready to open your home without the overwhelm? Here are a few creative, low-stress ideas to get you started. These gatherings are less about the party and more about the people.
Soul Saturday: This is a dedicated time to check in on the state of your soul with a few close friends. Brew some coffee or tea, have a handful of pastries, and create a space for honest conversation without interruption. This day will be all about how everyone is really doing.
Cookie Decorating or Swaps: Especially around the holidays, this is a fun and easy way to get together. Everyone brings a batch of their favorite cookies to trade, or you can supply plain sugar cookies and let everyone decorate them together. The mess is part of the fun!
Gratitude Brunch: Host a simple brunch where the theme is gratitude. Ask everyone to come ready to share one thing they're thankful for. It can be as simple as bagels and cream cheese or a potluck-style meal.
Color Party: This is a playful and low-effort theme. Assign each guest a color, and they have to bring a food or drink item that matches. It takes the pressure off you to provide everything and often results in a fun, eclectic spread.
Freezer Meal Swap: For a truly practical and community-building event, get a group of friends together to swap freezer meals. Everyone prepares a large batch of one meal, portions it out, and goes home with a variety of ready-to-go dinners for busy nights.
Choosing to host is about choosing people. It's about deciding that connection is more important than perfection and that your home, just as it is, is a place where others can feel welcome.
1 Earley, Justin Whitmel. Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms. HarperChristian Resources, 2024.
