Our culture spends a lot of time talking about fatherlessness and the wounds that come along with that. Given, that is an incredibly important topic! However, we often skim right over the mom-wounds we carry.
There are conferences and workshops on working through father-wounds and redeeming your heart from the way it’s been recklessly uncared for, but where’s the mom-wound workshops and conferences? In reality, more people than we’d expect are facing hurt from their moms. It’s not always that they were physically absent, but more so emotionally or mentally absent from their children. This is often because of addictions, unhealthy relationships, and often selfishly prioritizing themselves over their family.
So how do we work through these mom-wounds and redeem our hearts from the hurt?
Ultimately, it’s up to us as to when we will begin to heal from these wounds. You can go from counselor to counselor thinking you will never heal if you don’t make it a point in your heart to seek healing from The Healer. This means two things for us:
- You must surrender your hurt to The Healer.
- You must forgive what seemed to once be unforgivable.
In surrendering your hurt, that means you no longer hold onto the moments or life events that hurt you. This means you can no longer blame anyone for your current brokenness, because healing is in front of you and in your hands. This means you can’t try to fix your wounds on your own; rather, you must trust God to process it with you and bring people and opportunities around you to walk you through the pain.
Moving forward, when you forgive what was once unforgivable, you find that God’s grace and comfort for you is sufficient. God will do what He needs to do in you as you make room for Him. When your heart lacks in forgiveness, there is not enough room for you to also receive healing; one must go to allow the other to take place. Resentment, hatred, and the lack of forgiveness must move out of your heart so that healing and comfort can take place. When you forgive, you give yourself freedom. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that someone can hurt you all over again in the same way. Forgiveness says, “I won’t let you ruin me. I won’t let the enemy win. God be glorified through all my pain.”
When you are able to take those two steps, you open up a space in your life for God to move and redeem what has been taken from you. Often times, women struggle with having a feminine heart after it’s been beaten and bruised. Part of the redemptive process of a feminine heart is telling God, “This isn’t working. I need you. Please help me.”
As Stasi Eldredge mentions in her book, “Captivating,” she talks about a wounded heart that Jesus wants to come for and sweep away to heal. We have to remember that God is a trustworthy father and that He is good, loving, and will not let us fall when we take a leap of faith into our healing. I can’t tell you what your healing looks like because only Jesus knows; however, I can tell you that the more that you let go of your hurts and stop holding onto the things you think will fix you, the more Jesus will become your everything and you will find healing.
Here are some practical steps to take:
- Celebrate women on Mother’s Day who have been safe or trustworthy to you. Thank them for being in your life.
- Spend time with women pastors and leaders around you who have cultivated the feminine heart you desire to have.
- Prayerfully find a safe female mentor or counselor who can walk you through the hurt you’ve experienced and give her the grace to fail you here and there (because we all fail each other at some point).
I pray this article blesses you as you move into your healing God has promised for you!