Beauty in Purity

I grew up in a Christian home, so the idea of sex before marriage was… well, not even an option. I mean, it’s not like when I was 12 my parents sat me down, and told me I had to remain abstinent, it was just expected that I would. I also attended private school from Kindergarten through eighth grade. It was there that I had my first real conversation about sex before marriage, and what abstinence really meant. We had a guest speaker come in and speak to us one day, and she talked about how she didn’t wait and had gotten pregnant because of it. She shared her story, and the challenges that she faced. She absolutely loves her daughter, but she told us that she wished that she had waited til she had gotten married before she had such an intimate encounter. I didn’t quite understand everything, but I did understand that she was telling us that sex was special, and it was to be reserved for your husband. She was a single mom dealing with the heartbreak of divorce, and an inactive father in her daughter's life. This was more than enough to convince me to remain abstinent until marriage. So, they handed out little contracts, and each one of us signed, agreeing that our purity was out of respect for God, and that it was precious to him. We vowed to wait until marriage, before such a bond was created. 

Then, when I turned 13, the only thing I asked for was a purity ring. Imagine that. I wanted it so bad, it was the only thing I had asked to receive as a gift. You can’t make this stuff up. I actually said that. So, on my thirteenth birthday, I received my first purity ring and I wore it with pride. I was so proud of the commitment I had made to God, myself, and my future husband. 

Then, I entered into highschool. Having a purity ring at 14 in a public high school didn’t really go over well. I was made fun of constantly. Every boyfriend I ever had was very much aware of the fact that I was saving myself, and they hated it. I didn’t have a lot of boys lining up to date me because of it. And if I was dating someone, they would pressure me to compromise the promise that I had made. It was hard. I felt unwanted, and even a bit of an outcast. Sure, I had friends, but all of them looked down on my commitment. They would say how stupid they thought it was, and how they saw no point in saving yourself for marriage. One by one, I watched all of my closest friends lose it. I became the only friend in my group that remained abstinent. When everyone is against your decision, it becomes harder to stick by. I remember thinking, well, if I did this or if i did that, it doesn’t technically mean I lost my virginity..? Maybe I’m open to it. Then, my friends and I would have something to talk about regarding those things. I wanted to relate to them so badly. Badly enough, that I considered compromising a bit of the promise I had made. Although, it never went further than a thought. I knew my promise was deeper than my need to fit in, or be apart. But still, it was hard. It was hard to be the friend that was an outcast. 

They didn’t tell me when I made the decision at 11 years old, that it would actually be really difficult, and that there would be time when I would want to undo that promise. I wasn’t told of the challenges that might come my way because of it. I wasn’t warned, and yet it all came anyway. But, I tell you the truth, no matter how many times I have been made fun of, cheated on, or dumped, I would never take back my promise. It is difficult, and it is hard to deal with at times, but I know that I have made the right decision. No one ever openly talks about this topic, and yet I am always so curious to know their thoughts. That is why I am sharing this with you. I made the promise to God, because abstinence is so much more than just abstaining from sex. It is a promise of purity to God, myself and my future husband. It is first my promise to God, because there is nothing that can compromise that. If it was only a promise to myself, I could easily waver. If it was just a promise to my future husband, once I found him there might be no reason to wait until we’re married, if I already know he’s the one. But, when it is a promise to God, there is nothing that can change that. I have made the promise to God, because I believe he created sex for a man and a wife, and that it should be shared intimately within that relationship. It is more than just a feeling, you are letting someone into your heart, and your body. It is an intimate experience of two becoming one, and I want to honor God’s Word with my decision. 

Maybe you are a young girl, who is contemplating this decision. First, I want to tell you that is okay. It is okay to desire, but just because you desire something doesn’t mean you should have it in the moment. I am proud of the decision I have made. I am not embarrassed, or insecure about it. I am glad that I have chosen to remain pure until marriage. Let God speak to you regarding this topic. His Word is full of good wisdom. And also, if you haven’t remained abstinent, this article isn’t to shame you or make you feel guilt. You are so fully loved by your Heavenly Father, and he isn’t mad at you. God redeems. Speak to him, and allow him to show you his thoughts about you. Ladies, we are beautiful, strong, and valuable. Don’t ever let a man tell you different. You are worth being truly, and fully loved. Wait for the man, who is willing to wait for you. Purity, is a beautiful thing. 

1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.”

New Living Translation (NLT)

Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved

WomanhoodTaylor Carr