How to Be Single & Brave
The season of singleness is a beautiful thing, it’s a chance to establish yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Unfortunately, many of us look at this season through lenses of fear with expectations of lonely nights, dateless outings, and the feelings of rejection and discontent. Your single season does not have to be defined by these fears. Braving the single season doesn’t mean you have to spend your weekends alone, or your nights in solidarity. This can be a time of strong friendships and God-given growth. So how do you brave the single season? Below I have given very practical ways for you to make the most out of your singleness.
There will be times of loneliness when you’re single, trust me. But it’s how you handle these times that will define your season. When loneliness comes, our minds can start to allow fear to creep in, but it’s our job to feed ourselves with the word of God rather than giving into the lies of the enemy. Pray that God will renew your mind and will align your heart with His. God doesn’t speak words of hopelessness into us, so we know that the feelings of despair, worry and discontent are not of Him. Make yourself a list of truths from your Bible and start to memorize them so that you can speak them over yourself when these situations arise. Personalize this list with scriptures that are specific to your struggles whether it’s discontentment, trusting God, etc.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13, New International Version)
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)
Create Biblical Habits
Being single in an opportunity for you and God to sit down and work through different parts of your life that need healing, reformation, and a little bit of spring cleaning. Some of these areas might have to do with the different habits that we have created or failed to create. This could include reading you Bible, journaling, going to church regularly, the way you spend money, how you use your time, how you interact with other people, your exercising routine, eating right, etc. Make a list of the different habits that you need to develop or change to help you grow closer to God and establish a lifestyle that is glorifying to God and edifying to your walk.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2, NIV)
Create strong female friends
My season of singleness was full of girl’s nights, weekend trips, and Bible studies with my single and dating girlfriends. When you create strong female friends you are creating friendships that can continue on into your dating and married life. Surround yourself with woman who have a strong relationship with Christ and will be able to keep you accountable. A great way to do this is to get involved in a Bible study. A Bible study is a place that fosters vulnerability and friendship. Keep in mind that it’s important to create friendship with older women too, not just the women your age.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17, NLT)
Learn how to be friends with the opposite sex
As I talked about before, your single season will bring about feelings of loneliness and rejection. During these times it can be very tempting to look for acceptance in guys to fill a temporary void. It feels good to have an emotional connection with someone, and as women we love feeling emotionally connected to people. We establish friendships with men and share our hearts with these them not realizing that we are creating an emotional connection that could cause us to have feelings of confusion. When creating opposite-sex friendships try to keep in mind that time equals relationship and the more you share the more you feel connected to that person. Before sharing something one on one with your guy friend ask yourself if this is information that you would feel comfortable sharing in a group of friends, if not then it’s probably something to save for your close girl friends. We do want to create genuine life giving relationships that are open and vulnerable with both men and women but you also don’t want to make a habit of sharing too much with the opposite-sex.
“Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.” (1 Timothy 5:1-2, NLT)
Develop talents and hobbies
One of the beautiful things about being single is the ability to be a little selfish with your time. It’s a time to take that painting class you’ve always wanted to take or learn how to cook. It’s a time to get involved in your church and develop mentorships with the younger girls and older women. Being single is a great time to develop talents and skills that you already have as well as ones you’ve always wanted to learn. These skills can be functional like cooking, playing an instrument, sewing, etc. Or they could be fun like learning how to ball room dance, or chalkboard paint. The time is God’s and yours, so make the most of it.
“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34, New International Version)
Your single season is not in vain; God has planned and purposed this time in your life as He has with every season. Being single means that we have an opportunity to have a shared heart with God, a heart with minimal distractions, giving Him a chance to work on us in ways that are unique to the season that we are in. Fear is a real emotion, don’t get me wrong. It can be easy to be overcome by fear; fear of the future, fear of rejection, fear of wasted time. I want to encourage you to take this time to apply the tokens above and hand your season over to God, so that He can work through you.