Communication in Marriage

If there is one thing to be understood about marriage, it is that communication is key. Communication is the structure of the relationship, while God is the firm foundation it is built upon.

With something so pertinent to a marriage, we can all agree that successfully conveying what we feel and mean is one of the most difficult things to fully attain with one’s spouse. 

 Lets take a look at a few myths of communication in marriage:

We live in a culture of divide…one of breakups and divorces. We are told if it gets too hard, splitting up is a viable option.

 God has other plans through.

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:6, New International Version)

 We hear this often quoted at weddings while couples use ropes, sand, or candles to symbolize togetherness. In my wedding, we bound a Bible to exemplify not only our commitment to one another, but to God in our relationship.

 What then happens in our marriage is up to us. We must be willing to open up fully to our spouse to build that bridge in every area, including the often dreaded communication. Even when it is hard and seems impossible.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23-24, New American Standard Bible)

We also hear that knock-down, drag-out fights are healthy for our relationships within marriage. However, how is it ever healthy to get into a screaming match with someone…does it ever get anywhere? The answer is always no.

 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20, English Standard Version)

God desires so much more for us in the area of communication with our husbands. He wants us to share our minds and feelings in a way that brings unity and understanding.

 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27, ESV)

God has given us emotions, so feeling anger is only natural in certain situations. Let us not dwell in our anger though and allow the devil to stir in us something far worse than our original heated response…resent. Becoming resentful makes us feel disconnected and push our spouse even further than before, when all that is needed is time spent speaking to one another.

 Our brain tells us saying nothing at all is better than something that could be taken the wrong way. A vast majority of women believe a lack of communication will make everything go away and their boyfriend, fiancé or even husband will just not notice or all will be forgotten. Wrong. 

 Why do women do this? Is it because we are afraid of losing our significant other if we speak what we think and feel or do we truly think the worst will come of a situation if we say the wrong thing.

 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7, New King James Version)

    If your marriage is rooted in God, your husband is not going anywhere. He wants to hear you. He wants to listen to your thoughts and every feeling you have, even if they seem unwarranted or silly.

“O my darling, lingering in the gardens, your companions are fortunate to hear your voice. Let me hear it, too!” (Song of Solomon 8:13, New Living Translation)

How then do we effectively communicate with our husbands. It takes a significant amount of courage to break down that barrier. Simply taking a deep breath, closing your eyes and saying a quick prayer of peace of mind may be all it takes to calm the nerves and clear your mind so you can begin to open up.

 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26, NIV)

Once you have done that, just speak. Even if you don't have the words, or the way to say it correctly…just say something. Once you start, your heart and mind will figure it out as God guides your words.

  “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8, ESV)

  Allow your husband to ask questions. Or simply let him listen without reaction. It is a beautiful thing to let it out and have someone just digest it all for a moment, hour or even days.

 A deep connection can only continuously grow between the two of you if you are constantly telling one another the deepest yearnings of your heart.

 The more healthy communication you partake in, the easier it will get. It will also bring you closer to your husband. After all, relationships are only possible through constant communication. Just as we communicate with God, who is perfect love, we should speak with our husbands. 


    Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

    Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.

    The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

    Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

    Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.


WomanhoodKayla Elder