Remembering Your First Love

We all have seen it, the beginning phases of a new romantic relationship. Doesn’t it just seem like couples float through the beginning of their relationship? They’re laughing and blushing; they’re flirting and, for lack of better words, ‘crushing so hard’ on each other.  

I remember when my husband and I were first dating and engaged this defined us perfectly. We had completely lost our natural minds; we were so crazily in love. I remember people telling us, “Enjoy it while it lasts,” or, “Come see me in a few years and we’ll see if you’re still like this.” We hated that. I remember we both boldly declared, “It will never end! That will never happen to us!”

Well here we are today, five years later, and I’d like to tell you what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that those people were kinda right, and oh so terribly wrong all at once. Before you jump to conclusions with the statement I just made, I want you to hear me out: I am going to get transparent with you, in the hopes that it will help you. I know that I am not alone on this, and it is my heart’s desire that my experience will help someone who finds that they’re in a similar season that I found myself in a few years back. 

In the first few years of our relationship, we were in fact floating and honeymooning and, to quote Bambi, “twitterpated.” But then around year three of our relationship I remember we came down from the clouds, so to speak. Life happened. Situations came up, struggles presented themselves, and I just found myself feeling like, “This was never supposed to happen to me… it happens to other people, but not me… not US.” 

We came down from the clouds, we hit the ground, and we had never been on the ground together before. Now what? All I can tell you is that we kept going. Quitting is not an option in marriage, and it takes work. Marriage will inevitably present its challenges, but it will also be the most fulfilling and rewarding challenge you ever fight for. I am going to make a statement that I truly feel is a fire starter in marriage:

Always remember your first love. Always! Looking back on our first love is such a great way to ignite our marriage with the passion and zeal it began with. I want unpack this statement a bit more:

1. Remember the very beginning:

Do you remember the first time you saw your husband, or the first time he sent your heart racing? Do you remember the first time he called you, or the first time he asked you out? Do you remember your first date? Your first kiss? You have a love story that was written just for you!  Never forget those moments. Talk about them together as a couple. Write them down in a safe place to share with your grandchildren one day. Relive them…

2. Relive your romance:

Have fun in your relationship! As you remember the very beginning, set some dates aside to relive the beginning as well. Go out to the place you went on your first date. Reenact your first kiss. Celebrate anniversaries, like your first date, the day he proposed, or your wedding date. Be cheesy. I’ll get vulnerable here: My husband, Jonathan, and I met at Starbucks. He was the store manager, and I was a semi-regular customer. I remember when I would go to the counter to order, he would smile at me, and give me this look, and say, “Hey, what’s up Clarissa?” No big deal, right? That simple greeting would set my heart racing every time. I loved it, and hated it, cause I was the type of girl who wanted to play it cool and not show her cards. He later told me how he caught me blushing when I would order, and that’s how he thought I was into him. Well, I say all of this to say that every once in awhile, Jonathan will give me that look and spit out a, “What’s up Clarissa?” and it still makes me blush. Find your equivalent. Never stop flirting; never stop crushing.     

3. Remember your number one love:

Most importantly, remember your number one love, Jesus. When we seek all of our fulfillment, affirmation, and satisfaction from our husband, we are bound to be let down. Why? Because he is human. We need to first and foremost find love in Jesus. Prayer is a vital part of marriage. You need to cover your marriage in prayer. Prayer will act as a hedge of protection around your relationship.  Commit your relationship to Him, pray over your relationship, go to God with your hurt and disappointment, and trust that He, the author and creator of marriage, will be the one to restore it. 

It is my hope that you will never forget your first love. Have you heard the saying, “Love is blind?” Well I am pretty sure that there is another saying that says, “Marriage is 20/20.” I want to challenge that statement though.  What happens in marriage is that instead of seeing all the wonderful things that made us fall in love, we begin to focus on all the flaws, the imperfections, but that isn’t seeing 20/20. That’s blind. Seeing 20/20 means you see the imperfections, acknowledge them, yet you still choose to love, you still choose to also see the good, to see what made you fall in love in the first place. 

When you fall from the clouds you were floating on in the early stages of marriage and hit the ground, don’t let that stop you. Begin to stride together.  Pretty soon you will discover that you may not be floating, but that you have a firm foundation under you that will help you run further and longer. Marriage is not a sprint, it is a marathon, and you are in it for the long run, and in true marathon fashion, it only gets better. When you run in a marathon you pace yourself, and save your best pace for your last mile. I want to propose that the same is true with marriage. The Bible says this, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride” (New International Version, Ecclesiastes 7.8). Pace yourself, and you will find that the further you go, the better it will get. I want to leave you with this verse, “Entrust your work to the Lord, and your planning will succeed” (International Standard Version, Proverbs 16.3). Marriage takes work, but commit to working at it! Commit your marriage to the Lord, and your marriage will succeed. 


Bible Translation Used: 

Holy Bible, International Standard Version© 2015 Copyright ISV Foundation. All rights reserved.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

WomanhoodClarissa Tashiro